strangetomato | Strangetown, HWC Letters to Santa: Ripp Grunt

Hey, look - it's a stormy night at home, so I actually did another one of these letters. I'm not sure if I'll do many more of them, but I'd like to do at least a couple of others (like Frances), so we'll see.

"Ripp, did you do the laundry?"

"What laundry?"

"Oh, I don't know... that HUGE pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom? THAT laundry?"

"Oh... that. Right."

"Well?"

"Well, it's still there isn't it?"

"Don't you ever feel dirty?"

"All the time."

"Very funny. You know I meant dirty as in covered in filth."

"Who's covered in filth?"

"When was the last time you washed your jeans?"

"They're not dirty yet. They smell fine... there's no 'dirt' on them."

"Okay, well there's no way you have any clean underwear left. There has to be about 30 pairs of boxers up in the hamper."

"Well, you've got me there."

"Gross."

"Not really. I went commando. The boys are swinging wild and free."

"Oh, then God help us all."

"Do you really need me to take your panties down to be washed right this second? I'm sort of in the middle of something here."

"No, don't strain yourself! Heaven forbid you do any work. I'll just do it myself."

"Thanks, John. You're the best."

"Yeah, yeah. Just do the dishes."

"You got it, partner."

At the laundromat, Johnny was grumbling his way through his sorting when he found something in one of the pockets. Ripp always left piles of crap in his pockets, despite Johnny's repeated tutorials on why this was a bad idea, so this naturally enraged him. Then he paused. It wasn't in Ripp's pants at all. The tiny folded note had been found in Ophelia's pocket.

He unfolded it, and began to read it.

Phi,

You wanted to know what I wanted for Xmas so this is it. All I want for Xmas is YOU.

You without clothes.

Or you could wear something nice and then I'll unwrap you. Then I'll give you your gift from me. I think you'll like it. I'll even wrap it up myself... unless you really want to do it. Wink wink.

I'll be ~~egerly~~ waiting,
Ripp