Again with the gender thing...

[strangetomato]

Gender is weird, huh?

I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.

I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?

I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.

(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)

And another thing...

I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?

What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?

Comments

[strange-tomato.livejournal.com]

Hey, the tangent was at least half of the post, so no worries. ;)

It's funny, because my cats are exactly the opposite of your theory. Suki is very easygoing and gregarious with anyone at all, even complete strangers, while Petey is a classic "scaredy cat" who hides in the closet when people drop by. And it's not just these two, I can think of dozens of examples where the male cat is friendly/timid or the female is.

Similarly, my Nan used to say that only female cats are any good to have around for killing mice, but Petey kills everything that moves (even teeny, tiny ants). I've developed theories of my own over the years, only to be proven wrong with each new cat.

I feel mostly the same way about the cats as I do about people. It seems like we invent a lot of these theories to simplify things, whether intentional or not. I think there are just as many differences among members of the same sex as there are between them, and so each individual should be examined on their own.

Of course, easier said than done. ;)

Cats don't have a gender as such, but do we project one onto them? Are they really that different when you strip away the sex characteristics? I struggle with this same thing with people. Physical differences and hormonal differences are hard to deny (as a rule), but strip that all away, and what are the true differences? And even that discussion assumes that there are two distinct genders, which doesn't account for intersex people and their experience of the either/or world. And then there's sexuality... distinct from gender, but somehow interconnected.

The more I think and talk about this stuff, the less I feel I know.

[meetme2theriver.livejournal.com]

"Cats don't have a gender as such, but do we project one onto them? Are they really that different when you strip away the sex characteristics? I struggle with this same thing with people."

Good point. The difference between cats and humans, of course, is that whatever we project onto them doesn't actually change the way they behave one way or another. They're still just going to be cats... and themselves. Human children, on the other hand...

[strange-tomato.livejournal.com]

I don't know about that. I'm sure cats are going to do what they want, and how they relate to each other, but I think the way we treat them does have some impact on how they behave towards us. If I am more affectionate to one cat or another, then they might be a friendlier cat. If I play agressively with one (and I have noticed people doing that more with male cats, as a general rule), then they might be tougher, more likely to scratch someone. We can socialize our pets through our behaviour with them.

But yes, I agree with you, overall. We have far more influence on human children. I guess I was just interested in how the same thing can be seen in animals, to some extent.

[meetme2theriver.livejournal.com]

True. I guess I was just thinking more about how we talk about them, as in 'oh, she must be doing [behaviour] because she's female' type stuff. We like to try to explain what cats think and why they do certain things, but I think most of the time we really have no idea. :)

Also, I've had two male cats in my life. The first one was what you'd call an aggressive cat. He was affectionate enough when he wanted to be, but he was also unpredictable, and wouldn't take any bullshit. Getting him into the travelling cage was a bit of a nightmare. He also had a strong preference for me - I was pretty much the only person allowed to pick him up and hold him for more than 10 seconds.

Our second cat is about twice the size of our first. He's very calm most of the time, and very tolerant, even of children. Anyone can pick him up and cuddle him, and any person who'll scratch his neck is good in his book.

Pretty much like night and day, those two.