Strange Tomato (
strangetomato) wrote2008-10-15 10:45 am
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Drabble+: Nightmare
There's nothing quite like breaking your own rules, is there? I'm contrary like that, so actually coming out and saying I'm not going to post much will obviously make me want to write something. So here it is... a drabble+.
Prompt: A character wakes from a nightmare in the middle of the night to the person they least want to see at that moment.
Characters: Tank Grunt (and others, but you'll have to read it to see)
Wordcount: 400
Warnings: language, violence
Then Johnny stopped moving. Tank held his neck in his hands, and Johnny looked back at him with lifeless eyes.
He was dead, and Tank had killed him.
Finally.
Goddamned alien piece of shit.
But why did he feel so empty?
Oh, god. He had killed him.
"Johnny... Johnny?!" Tank shook him. "Shit... I didn't mean it. Wake up, you asshole!"
Frantically, he tried to revive him, but it was too late.
Then Ripp was there, wailing. He fell onto the corpse in despair. "Johnny! You've killed him. You've killed my Johnny!"
"Stop it!" Tank yelled, "Stop crying!"
"You killed him. My brother... you killed my brother."
"I'M your brother."
Why, Ripp? Why him? Why not me?
"I hate you."
Had he said the words, or had Ripp?
Then he was choking him, pressing Ripp to the floor, and feeling the life go out of him too.
Why not me?
He was killing him.
He wanted to stop, but couldn't.
He tried to break out of it, but couldn't.
He tried to scream, but nothing came out.
"Tank?" Frances was on him, shaking him. "TANK!"
Tank still couldn't move or say anything. He couldn't even catch his breath. He could see the room around him, and Frances reaching down at him, but he couldn't move. Frances had his hands reaching out towards his neck, and he thought he must be trying to kill him too. He tried to yell, "Get the fuck off of me!" but nothing came out.
"Tank?! What's wrong with you? Stop it! Wake up! You're scaring me." Frances felt his panic rising, and the next thing he knew, he had slapped Tank squarely across the face. "WAKE UP!"
Tank woke up.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. Tank wanted to escape, to shove Frances aside and get out of there, but he felt a strange comfort in having him there too.
He didn't want to be comforted.
He didn't need it.
How much of that had Frances been able to witness? Had he cried out in his sleep? Dreams were blurring into reality, and he didn't want Frances to see that... to see what he had done. He didn't want Frances on his bed either.
"You... hit me."
"I'm sorry." Frances bit his quivering lip, and tried not to cry, but the panic and relief were too much for him.
"God... don't cry."
Prompt: A character wakes from a nightmare in the middle of the night to the person they least want to see at that moment.
Characters: Tank Grunt (and others, but you'll have to read it to see)
Wordcount: 400
Warnings: language, violence
Then Johnny stopped moving. Tank held his neck in his hands, and Johnny looked back at him with lifeless eyes.
He was dead, and Tank had killed him.
Finally.
Goddamned alien piece of shit.
But why did he feel so empty?
Oh, god. He had killed him.
"Johnny... Johnny?!" Tank shook him. "Shit... I didn't mean it. Wake up, you asshole!"
Frantically, he tried to revive him, but it was too late.
Then Ripp was there, wailing. He fell onto the corpse in despair. "Johnny! You've killed him. You've killed my Johnny!"
"Stop it!" Tank yelled, "Stop crying!"
"You killed him. My brother... you killed my brother."
"I'M your brother."
Why, Ripp? Why him? Why not me?
"I hate you."
Had he said the words, or had Ripp?
Then he was choking him, pressing Ripp to the floor, and feeling the life go out of him too.
Why not me?
He was killing him.
He wanted to stop, but couldn't.
He tried to break out of it, but couldn't.
He tried to scream, but nothing came out.
"Tank?" Frances was on him, shaking him. "TANK!"
Tank still couldn't move or say anything. He couldn't even catch his breath. He could see the room around him, and Frances reaching down at him, but he couldn't move. Frances had his hands reaching out towards his neck, and he thought he must be trying to kill him too. He tried to yell, "Get the fuck off of me!" but nothing came out.
"Tank?! What's wrong with you? Stop it! Wake up! You're scaring me." Frances felt his panic rising, and the next thing he knew, he had slapped Tank squarely across the face. "WAKE UP!"
Tank woke up.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. Tank wanted to escape, to shove Frances aside and get out of there, but he felt a strange comfort in having him there too.
He didn't want to be comforted.
He didn't need it.
How much of that had Frances been able to witness? Had he cried out in his sleep? Dreams were blurring into reality, and he didn't want Frances to see that... to see what he had done. He didn't want Frances on his bed either.
"You... hit me."
"I'm sorry." Frances bit his quivering lip, and tried not to cry, but the panic and relief were too much for him.
"God... don't cry."
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@ST: Very compelling, if a little confusing - unless it was meant to be. I'm curious about these drabbles though; looks like something I'd like to try, but I'm new to the whole idea of them. Where do the prompts/character ideas come from?
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belated reply is belated
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In any case, I love this drabble. There's something about it that just feels very different from your normal writing. It's more charged with something.
Little things I loved:
"You've killed my Johnny!" The possessiveness of it. Even though it's Tank's dream, there's still something in that cry that drips with Ripp.
"You've killed my brother." And then it the whole reality of Johnny being more of a brother to Ripp then Tank and how it makes Tank feel inadequate. And then, even in his dream, Tank responds with anger.
Then Frances saves the day! Oh and it was lovely. How he wants the comfort that Frances gives off, because Frances is his first real friend and he appreciates that and needs that. I love that he also wants to push Frances away and he doesn't want Frances on his bed, because he's still got so many prejudices. And Frances hit him, and he's apologetic, but Tank's mostly in awe.
Also Frances crying paralleling with Ripp crying in the dream and just.... my heart!
So umm, basically I love this. Awesome job!
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Anyway, back to your entry. Everything
I must admit though, I was a bit shocked when it said in the beginning that Tank had killed Johnny and it took me a while to remember that the subject of the drabble was "nightmare".
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See, stuff like this is why I love Tank. He's just so sad and lost and awkward. But when he comes out the other side, when he's finally feeling safe and happy? It's the best. (I mean autonomously. Autonomous Tank in love is the best thing ever.)
I'm getting to far ahead of your story. He might not even get his happy ending. But I love how in your version, he's so recognizable to me. I mean... I haven't played with all your premade characters, but he's the one (of yours) I "know" the best. Does that make sense? And it's amazing, because they're lives are so different, but it's still essentially him. :D
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Tank's dream seemed to almost illustrate how out-of-control he feels at times, and his mixed and conflicted emotions. Like once you get past him and Johnny hating each other, they can actually become very good friends (similar interests and all of that... it's the same with Vidcund and Loki.) I've always thought he'd *rather* be friends with Johnny, but felt compelled to live up to what his dad wanted with all the alien-hating.
I love that Frances was the one who he woke up to. :D
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*snicker*
Maybe you just need to indulge in some text only offerings for a bit? You could use them to advance the main story, too (then you could get to the "fun stuff" instead of all the "have to write this first" crap).
Add me to the list of folks who enjoy your take on Tank. (it makes me wish you hadn't offed dear Buzz so soon, I bet you'd give him a great anaylsis, too).
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Good job on this as always, and feel free to break any rules you want! The more from you the better. (But of course have your break and rest and stuff too) Anyways, it's always fun for me to read your stuff. :)
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"God... don't cry."
That's something I would say, too. Sometimes I can relate to Tank, haha. I feel a little weird saying that. ..Yehp.
I've always felt bad for Tank, part of me thinks some of the reason he hates aliens so much, would be because he feels he lost his brother to Johnny. Ripp seems to make sure Tank knows he's second best to Johnny sometimes.
I love reading more into Ripp, he's such an interesting character. (Also, it doesn't hurt that Frances takes a big part in his life, whether Tank wants to admit it or not! :P)
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Poor Tank. His subconscious is eating away at him and invading his dreams. I can only guess that he feels like the outsider of the family, rather than be part of the whole family unit. Pride and duty have always forced Tank to keep a distance and now he's really starting to feel the chasm.
Wow, Frances... you were brave... if Tank hadn't been frozen with fear, he could have punched him and knocked him out cold. But bless, he's so sensitive, putting the usually hard nosed Tank in an awkward position when the tears start to flow.
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