strangetomato | Again with the gender thing...

Gender is weird, huh?

I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.

I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?

I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.

(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)

And another thing...

I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?

What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

re: choice, I asked because there are Unfortunate Implications in your claim that you "only" make fun of people who "choose" to be that way; you are essentially claiming that you have the authority to determine whether something is a choice, and whether or not that choice is significant. You are essentially claiming that unless someone "can't help it," this or that aspect of who they are deserves to be mocked.

There are a lot of serious problems with that line of thought. For example, in many ways social class is considered a choice. By your logic, it's acceptable to crack jokes about the poor and homeless, because they could choose to change their situation. They could jobs! There are programs they could choose to take advantage of! And yet, that ignores ignores the reality of how incredibly difficult it can be, and is, to pull oneself out of poverty.

Or, to use your own bootstrap argument, disability and mental illness. You yourself made the incredibly ablist claim that people "choose" whether they let their illness control their lives. I do not think you understand how harmful - as in actual and legitimate damage - that sort of thinking causes. I do not believe you get how incredibly angry and hurt I feel, being someone who has lived her whole life with mental illness and learning disabilities, hearing people say that. The entire belief that illness, mental or otherwise, is a "choice" is steeped in ignorance of how difficult it can be to get treatment, how difficult it is to manage an illness even with treatment; it ignores the chronicity of such illnesses and disabilities, and furthermore suggests that there is something wrong with people who live with them, that there is something they need to change. And you imply you have some right to pass judgment on these issues. You do not. No one does, except the person living with them.

It's not that you claimed it's okay to make fun of people with disabilities - I assume you'd say such a bullshit thing as that - but that is what your logic implies, and your thoughts about this are hurtful and problematic besides. You may not have intended them to be so, but intent is not magical.

So, I asked what you consider a choice because I wanted you to think about how problematic and asinine your claim was. I am not trying to "trick" you, or "trap" you, or anything ridiculous like that.

One last thing, with regards to one of your comments down thread, that knowing someone's gender narrows down topics of conversation. It doesn't narrow things down as much as you might think. Menstruation, for example. Not all women menstruate, or even have ovaries. Not all people who menstruate are women. Not all women are comfortable talking about menstruation, and not all men are uncomfortable with it. That's just one example, but basically, the idea that knowing someone's gender will significantly influence what you can and can't talk about is wrong. Honestly, it's Othering to me; you're implying that there is still something fundamentally different about men and women, that women have anything in common beyond self-identifying as women. You're also reinforcing a gender binary, that there are Men and Women, and no one can ever be both or neither or anywhere in between. I don't like it.

I appreciate that it's difficult and uncomfortable when you start entering anti-oppression conversations; it was hard for me, and still is. These aren't easy or simple conversation. However, you do have a lot of shit you need to work through and unpack; it's hard to reply to your comments because there is just so much to cover, and it's exhausting. I know your young, but seriously.

So I'm not the least bit sorry for being angry, or for making you uncomfortable, but I do hope you keep having these discussions, and that you do the research and keep learning. It's hard, and it never really ends, but it's always worth it.

*you'd never say.

My soul for a paid account and edit function :(

Again with the gender thing...

Part 2/2 (lol character limits)

Re: Part 2/2 (lol character limits)