Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
Entry tags:
Again with the gender thing...
Gender is weird, huh?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
Part 1/2
re: privilege. Strange and Anon. have already covered this a bit, but I want to reinforce it. You have privilege, a lot of privilege, because you are a straight White cis man who does not have, as far as you have said, any truly disabling physical, mental, or emotional difficulties. You're from the U.S., and if you're part of the middle/upper-middle class, you have even more privilege. Simply because of who you are and where you were born, you have access to certain advantages, rights, and freedoms that other people do not have, simply because of who they are and where they were born. You have privilege whether you want it or not; there is nothing you can do to not have the privilege you do, though you can try and counteract the benefits you receive because of it. It's more complicated than that, of course, but privilege is a core concept in discussions about oppression and social justice; you are going to need a decent understanding and acceptance of it if you want to engage in these conversations, or you are almost definitely going to find a lot of people getting very angry at you, and understandably so.
You should read this. It's a good place to start, I think. Follow the links, do some research. You accuse me of expecting you to know things you've never been exposed to, but that's not the point. Another thing you should keep in mind: these conversations are not about you. The point is, you hurt someone out of ignorance (myself, for one), and people are trying to help you correct that. Yes, it sucks to be caught with egg on your face - most people don't want to hurt others. I've been there, I've stupid shit out of my own biases and privilege, and here's what I can tell you about being called out: You are not being attacked, or condemned; nobody is accusing you of being a bad person, or of being stupid.
It's not about you.
Yes, because you have the privilege to ignore a lot of these issues, you've never given much thought to them; you didn't know. But you know now, and it's on you to do some of the leg work; don't expect me, or anyone, to hold your hand through things like this. Don't expect me, or anyone, to be patient and "nice" with you about this; you're not entitled.