Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
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Again with the gender thing...
Gender is weird, huh?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
no subject
Having said that, another good place is here: http://www.susans.org/ - this *is* American-based, and the forums contain a wealth of real-life stories that may interest you.
Anyway - it's impossible to give a general answer re. things like behaviours and attraction. I've recently been on a retreat for trans guys, and there were all sorts there - from butch, to middling, to camp as anything! Some like guys, some like girls, some like both - apparently sexuality is subject to change once hormones start, but it's more to do with becoming more comfortable in your own skin and therefore more confident in what you want. But this is how gender and sexuality are completely separate; you get gay/straight/bi trans-folks just as you do with cisgendered (non-trans) folk.
In the same way, gender and sex are separate - the problem most folks have with this (I think) is just down to the fact that for most people, the two are in harmony with each other, therefore they must be linked. People like me are proof that it doesn't always work that way; the brain gets wired in one way (male, female, both/neither), but the body goes the other way. Social conditioning means that people only see the shell and that's how they treat people, according to assigned gender roles, which sadly are based on stereotypes. What with that and the pressure to conform, what should be a simple case of "okay, I'm not a woman after all, just a guy with the wrong bits" becomes anything from hard to extremely traumatic - all too often leading to self-harm or even suicide. I've been very lucky so far, in that people I know have been supportive and even encouraging, but in most cases it doesn't happen.
Something else I need to point out - intersex and transgender are very different things. Intersex refers to having a combination of male and female organs/genitalia, while transgender is a broad term encompassing people who are confused over their gender identity.
Anyway - glad to oblige ^_^ I love to share what I can with people who are willing to learn :)