Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
Entry tags:
Again with the gender thing...
Gender is weird, huh?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
no subject
(Yeah, I needed to lighten the mood around here. Deep discussion is good, but let's not all get buried alive in the heaviness of it.)
You've been engaged in a lot of (pretty heated) discussions about this, so I'm not looking to start up another one, but I'm more of the school of thought that there isn't any "appropriate" way we should be treating anyone based on their gender. Just as often as someone might appreciate it, they're likely to feel put off by it.
For example, my SO is a male but doesn't relate to a lot of the culture around the male gender (in the sense of beer-drinking, sports-watching, "good ol' boy" stuff, to name just a few), so he only feels alienated when people try to relate to him in this manner. And to many guys, this is the approriate manner to engage another male in. He's had more than one awkward moment where he's turned down an offered beer, when the guy seemed truly baffled and even offended by it. (I prefer to think of these moments as funny, though. "What's the matter? You don't like BEER?! *cue ominous music* XD)
But I understand (what I assume to be) your basic point. Being male is part of your identity. As several other's have said, we need to respect a person's own gender identity. If they feel it is relevant to provide this information, then we should respect that. This was initially brought up in relation to transgendered people, but I see no reason to apply it to all people.
I guess the key is not to make any assumptions about behaviour based on that piece of infomation, but I think we all do that, conciously or not.
And perhaps it's best to leave the discussion of other simmer's gender to their own discretion, too, though I tend to agree with the other's who have said that people tend to do it more as a way of showing they know something (having "insider information," if you will), or that it's a novelty.
no subject
I wouldn't say I'm a "manly man" but personally I'm not so offended if someone addresses me with an incorrect assumption they've made about me. Since I make some assumptions, I expect assumptions to be made about me as well. If the other person can't handle that I don't conform to their expectations, I don't see any need to keep talking with them.