Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
Entry tags:
Again with the gender thing...
Gender is weird, huh?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
no subject
We're not always aware of our own privilege, but I think it's fair to say that (nearly) everyone in this thread is privileged in one way or another. I know I am. I think it's important to be aware of that so we can be grateful for the things we could easily take for granted, and to remind ourselves to consider the struggles of those who do not have it as easy as we do.
As for the mental illness, we don't have to get into any details, but if you weren't formally diagnosed, it's probably safe to say that you weren't as seriously affected by it as someone who was. That's not to say that you didn't go through a difficult time, but you can't really compare it to the experience of someone who required medical attention. It's just not the same.
And self-help does work for some people. I've been successful with it, to varying degrees, at different points in my life. But it's not enough for a lot of people.
Anyway, I appreciate your last statement. It's always smart to question your beliefs and evolve them over time. Bringing a new idea into your life doesn't always mean throwing out the old one completely. Often you can adapt your old worldview to the new information, making the whole picture a little clearer and less rigid.
You've been getting into this discussion pretty deeply, which I appreciate, but try not to worry about coming to a definite conclusion at the end. It's not a debate in the sense that someone is going to win the argument. This is complicated stuff, and we're far from having hard and fast answers. Our knowledge is always shifting and expanding. It's one of the reasons I find discussions like this so fascinating.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2010-08-18 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)This is a great discussion, thanks for posting this entry.
no subject
I guess if you're saying that there are people worse off than I am, that's pretty bad. I do go through difficult periods, but for the most part, I'm better off now. I think having been told "hey, you might have a problem" has helped me to teach myself not to do some of the same things I did before, but I still get a lot of recognizing that I could have handled something better, two seconds after my reaction. That's probably why I'm getting so wound up by the pressure of this discussion.