Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
strangetomato) wrote2010-08-16 11:05 am
Entry tags:
Again with the gender thing...
Gender is weird, huh?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
I've noticed that people on lj (and other places online, I assume) tend to make something of an issue out of people getting their gender wrong. Someone made a secret about me at one point, saying that they always thought I was a guy, and I wonder how they thought I was going to react to that. I don't really care. If anything, I think it's nice to be anonymously without gender on the internet, and I usually don't select a gender when given the option in profiles and such. If people don't know, then you don't have any of the baggage that comes with it. It's the same reason I use SO instead of husband. Husband feels like such a loaded term to me.
I see people rushing to correct people when they get the gender of a simmer wrong, whether it's themselves or someone else. I notice, too, that it's always males. That's not surprising. It makes sense, given the predominantly female nature of the sims fandom (and fandom in general). We're going to assume y'all have ovaries unless we're told the difference. But why is it so important to correct people?
I was curious about it, so I thought I'd ask (rather than make a simsecret or some such nonsense). For those of you that have done it (and I know a number of people on my flist that have), why do you feel the need to inform people that you or someone else is a male? Note that I'm not here to pick a fight or anything of the sort. I'd just like to hear your side of it.
(Oh, and... for the record, fanseelamb is a female. :P This one seems to come up over and over again.)
And another thing...
I've always been one of those people that tries to be conscious of the gendered messages I give to children in the way I talk to them, like not telling girl's they're "pretty" while telling boys they're "smart" and crap like that (which people do ALL of the time, if you listen to them), but then I noticed I was treating Petey (my first male cat) in a distinctly different way than his big "sister," Suki. How much of that is personality, and how much of that is me projecting? (He's a total Momma's boy, by the way. :P) It's crazy how we slip into these things. The cats are both spayed/neutered, so it's not like they even have any sex-based behaviours to speak of. And they're cats! Do they even have gender?
What do you think? Have any thoughts or interesting stories to share?
no subject
People do confuse me for a guy all the time. They see the male avatar and male-centric uploads and assume I'm a gay dude. It doesn't offend me that they think so. It does kind of offend me when they wonder and debate the point rather than taking 2 seconds to look at my profile for the answer. But that has nothing to do with gender, I'm just offended by the general laziness and refusal to read that's so prominent in the sims fandom. :p
Anyhow. It's good to know someone's gender if you chat with them regularly. I mean, you wouldn't wanna start discussing menstrual cramps or hot guys with someone who you thought was a girlfriend only to discover they're a straight male! Awkward. That's pretty much the reason I like to know people's genders, and for them to know mine - just to know how to relate on certain topics. It's also kinda fun to guess and see if you're right... more to test your own assessment skills than actually caring what the answer is. It amuses me when I guess wrong, and I sometimes find it fascinating when I guess wrong and it turns out that person is gay/lesbian.
So, yeah. I wouldn't bother correcting a passing comment. But if it's someone who is a friend or who could become a friend, then it feels weird... maybe even a bit rude... to let them keep thinking I'm a guy when I'm not.
no subject
And yeah, mental laziness. :P Gay guys in the screenshots = a gay dude posted them. I still actually "see" you in my head as a sim!Brian Kinney. It's your simmer face. (At least you're not a skunk, like meetme2theriver. XD)
I can see what you're saying about getting to know someone better and relatable topics, in the sense that I'd like to know all sorts of details about as person as I got to know them better. I'm just a little wary about knowing them ahead of time. I don't want to assume anything about a person based on their stats, like gender, sexuality, etc. Even the place people are from does this, so I'm happy enough not to know it at first, lest I make assumptions. Later on, it just becomes another interesting fact about that person.
As for the cramps and hot guys... I have no problems with dumping this content on male friends. Some of my male friends happen to like hot guys, just as not all of my female friends give a toss about them. And my "lady problems" deserve their share of air time. I've had it with dicks hogging all the attention! :P
I can totally understand the guessing game element of it. And it makes it all the more interesting when you see how often people get it wrong online, when we can't actually see people, so we tend to make assumptions. (I think I have a tendency to assume people are all like me before I know any better. I certainly do that with ages.)
Now you have me thinking about letting people assume I'm a guy for too long and then having to play along forever! Heheh. Sort of like when you miss the window of opportunity to ask someone their name and then it's far too embarrassing to ask. XD
no subject
Somehow I always assumed you were female even with that male icon. It's in the way you write and the things you say. Plus I'm also guilty of assuming everyone is like me when I don't know any better. I think lots of people do that.
I like knowing people's locations too, just because I'm curious about that particular topic. That may stem from RL though since I live in a city where folks hail from all over the world and talking about their home countries is a common topic. But online I promptly forget people's answers so it doesn't colour my perception of them too much.
As for the girly topics - that's great if you don't mind discussing them with guys. I'm just not comfortable complaining about cramps and stuff to dudes. And while discussing hot guys with gay guys is lots of fun, straight guys just don't seem to appreciate the topic much. :p
You're certainly right though in that everyone is different and we can't assume they'll be a certain way based solely on gender. For me it seems to boil down to how well we know each other. If they're a passing acquaintance or random creator it doesn't matter at all. In fact, if someone calls me a guy in an upload post (like if they recoloured my whatever and are giving credit) I don't usually correct them. If they're an online pal though, it's nice to know basic info like gender. Now come to think of it, I don't recall ever asking. It just comes out naturally during conversation. When it comes out naturally like that, saying "pshaw, kick my nuts in all you want.... I'm a girl!" is really more conversing than correcting.