Strange Tomato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
strangetomato) wrote2008-11-11 08:45 pm
strangetomato) wrote2008-11-11 08:45 pm
Strangetown: Chapter Twenty-Seven - part two
Warnings: language, sexual situations, evil doings
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Part Two
Pascal suggested that I write down all the things I didn't feel comfortable saying, at least for now. He said it would be better to talk about them, but I can't see that happening just yet. He says he'd like to hear all about it, but he really doesn't understand what that means. There's no way he could guess what my problem is, so it's going to come as a shock to him when he finds out. I don't want to upset him. He's been so nice to me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be in an even bigger mess.
Nobody's going to read this, and even if they tried, I doubt they would be able to read my handwriting, with all the shaking. I can barely read this, and I'm writing it. Well, if I'm doing this to get it off of my chest, I may as well see if it works...
I see people's deaths.
I'm Death's son.
My mother was Olive Specter, and she killed a lot of people.
There. That about sums it all up.
I don't feel any better.
There's not a whole lot more I can say about myself without becoming completely depressed, so I'm just going to try to stick to a record of what's been happening around here.
Pascal has been here, day in day out, since I regained consciousness.
It's nice. I really like having him here.
We decided to renovate the house. It was something to do to pass the time, and also a way to wipe away what this place used to be, and all the negative feelings associated with it. It makes sense to me.
I have more money than I know what to do with, so we've spared no expense. We've put in a garden, and changed all of the rooms.
There's even a little pool in the orchard area, where the graveyard used to be. Now I can rest out there in the evenings, when things cool down, and it's really nice to look up at the stars.
It hardly seems like the same building at all anymore. We kept some of the old furniture, but we refinished or painted most of it. We've even plastered and painted in all the old stone walls. Its seems warmer now, and less foreboding. It's nice to wipe the place clean and just start over, even if I didn't even really live here long enough to remember it.
I think it's more for the girl than it is for me. She was the one who used to live here. She's the one with the awful memories of this place.
Her name is Ophelia Nigmos, and she's related to me. Her mother was Olive's sister, so that makes us cousins. That makes her family, which makes me happy. It's not something I've had much of, but I've always wanted to be part of a family. I feel like Ophelia understands me, the death in me, because she knows about it. She has a lot of the same darkness. Her parents were both killed by Olive. Her mother's very own sister was the one to take her life, in cold blood. How awful.
Ophelia used to live here with Olive, so really, this house should be hers. I told her that. She seemed really touched, even though you would think that she expected that anyway. But not her. Ophelia expects nothing, so anything that comes her way always seems like a wonderful gift. She should have good things happening to her, to even out all the bad things.
I want her to move back here after she graduates, to live with me. I like having her around. She's patient, and not pushy about talking to me. She don't seem like she judges me, and she's helpful and understanding when I make a mess of things. It's sort of a motherly thing, I guess. Not that I'd know...
She doesn't get angry when I'm just pacing around, looking for things to do. When I'm reading a line or two out of a book, and then picking another one, leaving them to pile up around the room. Things like that.
One day, she showed me how to arrange some flowers in a vase, but I broken the stems off when I tried to do it myself. I got frustrated and my hands are too shaky anyway. She didn't even say anything when I lost my temper and knocked the vase over and smashed it. She helped me to clean it up.
I told her that, like I said, so she's going to keep her bedroom. She seemed really happy about it, not that she makes a big show of it. Just a little smile. I like that.
I have a lot of her flowers around the house now. The snapdragons are very unusual. She didn't come out and say anything about them, but she said it might be a good idea to keep them by my bed, and I've noticed an improvement in my mood. There's something special about those flowers.
Her two friends are usually with her, Johnny and Ripp.
They seem nice enough, but they make me nervous. Even more than usual. They're really loud, and they're always saying mean things to each other, which they seem to find funny, but I wouldn't really know how to make a joke like that. What's the difference between saying it in a mean way and saying it as a joke? I'm sure that I wouldn't be able to make it work. Nobody ever found me funny.
They're pretty helpful. They do more or less anything Ophelia wants them to. They helped us with a lot of the renovations, like when we painted the walls. Well, Johnny, Ophelia and Pascal did most of the work. I can't paint without making a mess, and Ripp usually just pretended to paint, and spent his time talking and carrying on.
Johnny carries on too, but only when all the work is done. He's really into sports, and he talked me into setting up a net to play soccer in the yard.
It's fun. Everyone else watches and cheers us on. We have a good time, I think.
But no matter how hard I try, I can't ever seem to score a goal on Johnny. He's really good at it. He said he'd love to do it for a living. Imagine that! Playing games for a living. It doesn't sound too bad. I'm sure it's still a lot of work, though. Most things are.
It's fun to try to score a goal on him, though. I like playing soccer with him.
He doesn't rub it in too badly, but you can tell he's really pleased about it. He has this smug little smile that he does, and it can be pretty enraging.
Johnny is part alien, like Pascal's daughter, Mint, who is here sometimes too.
Mint wasn't supposed to come down here, since Pascal's trying to keep my existence quiet (and Mint is anything but quiet), but she followed him down here one day.
Pascal was angry with her for disobeying him, but she made a good point about him sneaking around, so why shouldn't she? They came to an agreement about it, and she's allowed to visit, as long as she's sworn to secrecy too. It would probably be okay for him to tell his family about it at this point, anyway. There are a lot of them, though, and if each of them told a friend... the word could get out pretty fast.
But really, who would even care besides Circe? She can't do anything to me anyway. Not that I care to test that... with Circe, you never know.
The alien thing is really interesting to me. Pascal has told me a little about the aliens and why they're pollinating people, and how merging the species is probably a good thing for sim genetics too. He's pretty devoted to the cause, but there are many people who disagree, and view the pollinations as a hostile attack on us.
I guess your opinion would depend on your willingness to go along with it. If it's a choice, then it's probably not so bad, but if they're forced into it...
Well, that's not much better than what the Beakers did to me.
I overheard Johnny and Pascal talking about them being aliens, and Pascal asked Johnny if he was sure he could trust him. Him meaning Ripp, I think. From what I can gather, there was some issue between the Grunts and the Smiths. The General wasn't fond of the aliens.
That might be true, but I doubt Ripp has any of the same feelings. He seems pretty close to Johnny.
Really close.
That expression about being attached at the hip is almost literally true in their case. It's a little odd.
Sometimes they say really random things that only they understand, using these different voices. Ophelia explained that they're acting, because it's what they do in school, but it's still weird. I hardly ever know what they're talking about, with all the acting and inside jokes.
All that touching makes me really nervous too.
Like Ripp... he's always trying to touch me. Not in an aggressive way, but just coming into my space. I don't like people to touch me. It makes me uncomfortable.
Well, Pascal does it sometimes, and I don't mind that as much. I usually see it coming, and he doesn't do it very often. But that's Pascal. I'm used to him.
It was probably the wrong thing to do, but Ripp was talking to me the other day, about my hair growing out, and tried mess it up with his fingers, so I pushed him. I pushed him a lot harder than I meant to. He seemed really shocked and taken aback, and turned away and didn't say anything to me again all day. I might have just been imagining it, but he almost seemed like he was going to cry. He can be really touchy. I feel bad now, but I don't really know what to do about it.
I don't think he meant it to upset me. He does it to everyone. Especially Johnny and Ophelia. It's like he has to touch them, or he wouldn't feel right. Maybe it reassures him.
I've also noticed that they are always just looking at each other. Sometimes directly, and sometimes they do it when the other person isn't even looking back.
Do people ever watch me like that?
I usually don't look people in the eyes, like they do. And Pascal doesn't look at me like that either. If I meet his eyes, we usually just look away.
Sometimes I forgot which one of them is her boyfriend. It's hard to tell at times.
It's probably just me. It can be difficult for me to read people. I don't really know what's normal a lot of the time, especially with social things like that.
Especially love.
I don't really understand it. I've never felt it, as far as I can tell. And who has ever loved me?
Why would they?
My only experience has been, quite literally, puppy love.
The dogs are a great help to me. They keep me company, even if they are a lot of work.
I don't mind. It's something to do to pass the time.
Playing with them and running around really helps me to burn off steam. I don't know why, but I have trouble sitting still. I guess it's from the testing, or maybe it's a side effect from whatever it was that Circe was giving me.
I think my heart actually beats faster than other people's hearts. Is that possible?
There are couple of things like that about me. The other is the coldness of my body, and not just my hands and feet. I'm cold, like that creeping, cold feeling you get sometimes, and people say it's because someone walked over your grave.
I guess it makes sense. Someone's always walking over someone's grave. It probably all ends up in me.
I'm not normal.
I have a lot of anger inside me.
Who would want me around? Who would choose to put up with me?
Pascal.
Pascal is so nice.
Why couldn't I have found a foster parent that was half as nice as Pascal? It may have saved me from half the things I ended up doing, or having done to me. I wouldn't have been tested on. I wouldn't have the weird voices in my head, that sound like me, but not really. I wouldn't have gotten addicted to drugs, on my own, and then with Circe's help.
I'm still taking something, but Pascal made sure that it was a low dosage, and nothing nearly as potent as what Circe was giving me. Just something to keep me calm. He's hoping that I will be able to eventually come off that too, but I doubt it. How am I supposed to keep from shaking apart? How will I keep myself from flying into a rage and knocking things over?
Pascal is working on some things. He has this helmet that he uses on some other clients, and he thinks in might work for me. It will give him a chance to improve on the design, with my recommendations.
That makes it seem like I'm a test subject again, doesn't it?
Fuck.
I don't usually swear, but sometimes I think it might be interesting to try it. Ripp does it all of the time, and after about five minutes in a room with him, you hardly even notice it anymore. Isn't that odd? The words seem to lose all meaning. I wish that would happen with my dreams, but no matter how often I see them, they're always just as upsetting. They might even get worse with repetition.
The dreams. That's another thing. I know what happened to them, even though they don't. They don't know that my mother killed their parents. Both of them. Olive killed Ophelia's parents, and she also killed Ripp's parents.
She killed them all.
She didn't just kill them. She destroyed them. Brutally, and without any hint of mercy. She enjoyed it. She destroyed their entire families, and she enjoyed every second of it.
That was my mother.
I can't tell them that. How would I bring it up? How would I deal with their reactions? I couldn't do that. They would be so sad. So devastated. They're sad already, I can tell. They both are. Very sad. But they try to hide it. If they knew what really happened, it would just flood out. It would engulf them, and us too, and how would I be able to deal with that?
No, it's best not to bring it up.
It would be best not to know.
Pascal tells me about his brothers sometimes. I remember meeting them that one time, when Mint was born, not that I actually spoke to them. The youngest one said a couple of things to me, but the other one, the blond one, seemed almost as shy as I am.
He has alien children now too. How lucky.
The youngest brother, I think his name was Lazlo, is living with a girl now. Pascal seemed really worried about him for a while. I heard him talking to him on the phone, and he could tell I was interested, so he told me a little about it.
I can understand her side of it, on one hand, but I guess it's a lot easier for me to sympathize with Lazlo. I hope things work out for them.
Pascal didn't seem so hopeful, but he let go of his initial reaction, and decided that there really isn't anything to be done about it. It's her choice, and Lazlo will have to deal with it, but he does hope that things work out for his brother. Maybe she'll change her mind, even just a little bit. Or maybe there are no halfways in that sort of thing.
I don't know... I'd be so happy about a baby. It seems wrong not to want it, but who am I to judge anyone?
Pascal's other brother is pretty busy with his research and the children, much like Pascal is. Pascal doesn't see a whole lot of him. He worries about him a little.
He has sisters too. Three of them. It's a big family. Pascal is very lucky that way.
Two of the them are aliens, and I think they're the oldest. They seem younger than they are, though, and Pascal says this has something to do with them being half alien. The aliens have longer life spans than sims do, and this has a little bit of an effect of how they age too. I guess they're somewhere in between.
Pascal said that one of them is a chef, and she recently bought a property on the Road to Nowhere, which she plans to turn into her own restaurant.
I've seen the place. It was just an empty box, at first. I think it was used by the military as storage, perhaps. Pascal said that they're rennovating it now. They had some people come in to do landscaping and put in some new windows to brighten the place up.
I wonder what it looks like now?
It must be exciting to take on a big project like that. We did the house, but that's different. She's going to have a business, with people coming in to see it. I couldn't imagine doing that. I guess some people are just better suited for dealing with people.
I think I'll go there, when they open it. By that time, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I went out in public. Pascal's going to have to tell his family at some point, if Mint hasn't already. People will eventually know I'm still alive, and living here. They'll know about me, or as much as they ever knew, which wasn't much.
Jenny (that's Johnny's mother) has her family, and a full-time job, so that takes up a lot of her time.
Pascal says he should visit her more. He feels guilty like that about all of his sisters. I guess that's the other side of having a large family. It's an obligation, but I think I'd find it to be a welcome one.
Otherwise, what do you really have? In the end, who'll be there for you? That's what family is.
Lately, I've been dreaming about the Smith family.
I've been dreaming about them for a while now, but the dreams are becoming more frequent. They're getting clearer, and more detailed. I know what that means.
It's going to happen soon.
Johnny has no idea what's going to happen. None of them do. I could tell them. Just tell Pascal, perhaps, but what good would that do? It doesn't stop it from happening. And finding out today is no better than finding out tomorrow.
It will still happen.
It wasn't supposed to happen. I get the feeling it wasn't supposed to happen that way, but it does anyway. It will happen.
It's getting closer. I know this because the dreams are getting clearer. I know it involves Johnny, because he is there when my father appears. He's begging him not to take his father away. He swears hatred on the cruel figure of Death, and how unfair it is, but that isn't really true. My father is very fair.
It's life that isn't fair.
Death is easy. Life is hard.
It's the people who live who have to deal with the pain of death. Those who die find an end to their suffering. It's a relief, a release. An ending isn't always happy, or satisfying, or fair, but there is something so simple and easy about things coming to a definite end. Going on is much harder.
Johnny will have to go on living, just like the rest of his family. His father's death will be just another bump in the road for him. A significant one, and perhaps an unfair one, but it will still be just another day.
That's all that life is. We live, day after day. One day at a time. Every day, the same routine. It's not even anything all that remarkable, and usually it's pretty mundane, but we get to live. We are the privilidged. Life is a privilidge, because it's all there really is.
The other option is death, and death is just an endless nothing.
Life is hard, but at least it's something.
The only choice is to live.
I can live.
I will.
...
Nervous Subject put down his journal and went to find something to eat in the fridge.
In Sim City, at the Mercy Hospital, Jenny Smith was getting ready to go home from work for the night.
"On your way out, Jenny?"
"Yes, I'm heading home, Erica."
"Have a good night."
"You too."
Jenny would be retiring in a couple of weeks, and she was counting the days. It had been a long and tiring career. One that she had enjoyed, and felt fulfilled by, but she wouldn't be sad to see it end. Her old bones were ready for a rest.
As she was was walking to the side entrance, Circe Beaker came out of her office.
"Oh, Hello Dr. Beaker." Jenny felt uncomfortable around Circe, but kept a civil and pleasant working relationship with her, out of necessity. "Another late night?"
"No rest for the wicked, Jenny."
"No, I guess not. I'm ready for a rest soon, though."
"That's right. You're retiring aren't you? Congratulations."
"Thank you."
Circe reached out and placed her hand on the sleeve of Jenny's shirt. "I wish you all the best. All good things must come to an end, as they say."
"Yes..." A chill went over her body. Jenny had always found Circe to be an intense and unsettling woman. "I've enjoyed my time here, but I'll be happy to spend more time with my family."
"Your family..." Circe smiled. "Yes, that will be nice for you. Make the most of it. We never know how long we have with our loved ones."
Jenny felt sorry for thinking so poorly of Circe over the years. She was just a sim like her, who loved her family, and here she was with this horrible loss of her husband. Who had ever felt sorry for Circe? She deserved sympathy like any other.
She was about to say something consoling, but Circe cut her off.
"But enough about that. You need to get home to your family now. Why don't you give them my warmest regards? We really should be more neighbourly. Strangetown is a small town."
"Yes. It really is. A very small town. Thank you, Circe." She turned to leave.
"Have a good night."
"Goodnight, Jenny."
Circe watched her leave, with a smile spreading deeply across her face.
(Continue to Chapter 28)
Notes:
You have no idea how good it feels to finally post this. It's a huge relief to get this out of my system after being creatively constipated for over a month. Yes, this metaphor is disgusting, but it's really the most accurate way to describe it. I hope the product is a little better than a turd, though. (Although, that would be funny.) Then, with the computer issues, it was like having the toilet break just as you were finally ready to use it. Pretty enraging stuff. I hope I figure out what the problem is. Thanks for the suggestions. I tried most of them, but no luck. Everything has slowed to a crawl too. *does worry hands* Come on, compy!
The cut-text song is instrumental. That's why the link text is simply "..." or "dot dot dot." There's something very "Nervous" about this song for me. I really like it. It's Daft Punk, so most people do (with good reason).
I actually made three different teaser pics for this. Can you believe it? Sure was worth it for the final product, though, right? So worth it. *snicker* I often pose and shoot something really intentionally off-center for the teaser image, because I have to fit that big ol' title in there, but sometimes a shot I took for the story works okay as-is (not this time, though).
The hospital set is Mercy Hospital from MTS2. It was murder to work with (lots of lag, crashing, the works, and I was ready to give up), but I really like how it looks. I figure that most sims leave Strangetown proper for work, and I also think they'd go to the city for medical stuff. I have to travel an hour from my hometown to go to the hospital, and there are a lot of places far more isolated than that here on the island, so I think Strangetown is probably a lot like that. In my mind, the only thing that's out there in the desert, near the town, is the military base.
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