strangetomato | A whole lot of isms, but mostly heterosexism.

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A whole lot of isms, but mostly heterosexism.

Given that this Sunday, May 17, is the International Day Against Homophobia, it's interesting that I was recently called out for being heterosexist. To my face, by a lesbian. I was pretty embarrassed. (Not that it would be any better to have this pointed out in another way, but I felt pretty careless.)

I had designed a quick little poster for a community Seniors Appreciation Day event, and all of the clip art used on it (yeah, go ahead and laugh at the clip art, but my job isn't as a designer - there's no time or money to make it nicer) featured elderly male/female couples.

In my defense, I was lucky to find anything that showed seniors being happy and doing anything besides sitting on a couch at home (no joke - many of them actually featured graveyards). We wanted dancing and eating and having fun AND elderly people, and I barely found that. There's literally nothing that tackles ageism AND heterosexism. It seems like you can only tackle one of these issues at a time (though there was a little racial diversity in there, I'll give them that much).

It's amazing how easy it is to be heterosexist. Unlike homophobia, you do it by default, by doing nothing. I like to think I'm pretty good about this stuff, because I actually think about it most of the time and even point it out to other people when they say something that assumes the world to be straight (you get mixed results when you suggest that someone's baby might actually grow up to be gay, let me warn you, true though it may be). So if I can do it by accident, then you can too. If you're constantly vigilant about it, then I salute you, but it can be tough to get it right all the time.

To relate this back to sims, it's got me to thinking about portrayals of LGBT characters in sim stories, just like any other media. I've read some interesting articles and posts on this topic recently (relating to different fandoms, but same difference), and it really is worth considering. I try to write about characters first and foremost, and so they have flaws and make bad decisions and all that, but I do try to be conscious of the messages my stories are sending, whether intended or not.

As for homophobia, I did make a very conscious decision to include that in my sim world, as much as I love the idea of a world without it. My sim world simulates the world I live in, and that includes most of its problems too. Also, there's no way to examine something if you ignore its existence, and I'm very interested in exploring gender/sexuality in my characters. It's something of a theme in my story, I suppose, if you want to put that much weight on it (which is probably a bit of a stretch).

So how do you feel about this as a creator or reader of sim stories? Feel free to discuss it in the comments, if you like.

Also, go ahead and critique the way I do things in relation to this topic, if you want to, so I can further consider and examine them. I know I could always fall back on "it's just a sim story," but I don't actually believe that excuses me in any way. I'm putting content out into the world, so I'm engaging in the way things are portrayed, even though it's a small and very specialized audience.

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I don't think I have too much to say on the topic of real life heterosexism, except that yes, it's very, very easy to be so without even thinking about it, because of the society we live in. Also, absolute constant vigilance is difficult unless you care really, REALLY deeply about something, and while you can strongly support something you're usually not at that level of REALLY deep care unless you're part of the offended group yourself (as such I'm probably quicker to notice sexism than heterosexism, etc).

And yes, depictions of elders actually living life are kind of hard to come by, I can certainly see your problem there. Grey hair = almost dead, RIGHT? Ugh.

As for sims, well... I do have some same sex couples in my game, and I'm trying to have more, but I very often fall into the trap of most of my sims being heterosexual - purely because I love breeding them together so much. :p I really like pairing sims together and seeing how their offspring turns out, and well, if the sims are gay that's not going to happen. I could use that pregnancy-for-all hack, but... I don't know, it just makes things a little too unrealistic. Reproductive abilities is the one big thing that really IS a significant difference between males and females. Also, if all men could have babies, that would make alien abductions less awesome.

I don't know what it is about me and my obession with breeding sims, I just like seeing the genetics mix, I guess, in a bit of a mad scientist manner. I don't even like most kids very much in real life (this is very often a fault of their parents, though), and don't know if I ever want any of my own. :p

Also, mostly unrelated, May 17th is also my country's (Norway) national day. Hee.

Your whole country is gay? I didn't know that. :P

The date is actually the date the World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses.

Oh man, I know people like to complain about how things were better 'back in the day', but knowing that we're beyond things like that makes me believe that we are still moving forward. :3

Seriously, right. Fuck that.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and declare that things were definitely NOT better back in the day.

For starters, I'm pretty fond of being considered a person. *arches brows*

Hee, yeah I think most of it is just nostalgia anyway. I do kind of think it's a bit sad that kids would rather play on the computer than go out and play (although that's not really true in my house - Em and Dan are almost always outside when the weather is nice), but for the most part I think we're moving on to a much better place.

Also, I just read this and it was awesome: http://www.shorpy.com/node/6128

Hah, yea, I'm thrilled with not being categorized as farm equipment. I had a (white) co-worker say something about how great everything used to be and the manager saw my expression and shut him up before I could rip his throat out.

Totally agreed on that. Minor annoyances like horrible mobile ringtones aside, nothing was better back in the day.

Oh man, I kind of hate cell phones. Like, I think they are useful and sensible, but I HAAAATE when you're talking to someone and they check their phone or they start texting. It's the worst.

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meetme2theriver.livejournal.com - 2009-05-14 17:26 (UTC) - Expand

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silentsteel.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 02:25 (UTC) - Expand

It might as well be - I read today that Norway (along with Iceland and Sweden) are on the top of some list US "researchers" have made over countries with the most children born out of wedlock. No kidding. It's a whole 54%, zomg!!! (Never mind that a LOT of people choose to coinhabit instead of getting married, which in most cases is pretty much the same thing, even legally.) But yes, my country is a heathen godless state of fornication and bastard children and - as of last year - legal gay marriage, so it only makes sense that the national day is on the official Gay Day. ;)

For some reason this made me want to dance.

Let's all move to this heathen country.

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meetme2theriver.livejournal.com - 2009-05-14 17:38 (UTC) - Expand

54 %?? Wow, I didn't know that! Although maybe I should, counting our friends three of the couples with children are married, and one of them had two children before they tied the knot :P The rest of them just live together.

Heathen godless state - heehee!

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meetme2theriver.livejournal.com - 2009-05-16 07:50 (UTC) - Expand

Heee, I was going to comment on that too, but thought I'd leave it to an actual Norwegian :P.

(By the way, everyone should move here. There are fantastic laws for gay people and women (OMG your maternity leave is the BEST.))

Oh right, you're still here! :D How long are you staying, by the way? Hope you're enjoying it here.

I was actually amazed when I learned about how shitty maternity leave is in many other countries - especially the US and Australia! Like, no paid leave at all? Seriously?

They've recently (as of this week!) announced they're bringing paid maternity leave in, here in Australia. The earliest will be next year, but it's coming, and it will be government funded.

Yeah, as

naughtydolphin said, Australia now has 18 weeks, but that's not transferrable to the father (unlike Norway), and it is a lot less than here. Sucks.

I am here until maybe the 30th of June, so I get to see National Day and some summer stuff. YAY. And it is great here :D. I will be sad to go, but it means I want to return.

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meetme2theriver.livejournal.com - 2009-05-15 05:19 (UTC) - Expand

I try to keep a rule- it's a new one- that males can only get pregnant through sex if they're of alien decent. I ended up "having" to get the preg for all hack because I didn't think it was fair that the gay couples didn't have to "work for it" like the het ones do, but I haven't used it yet. (Seriously, I can't believe how many tries it takes sometimes!)

Hmm, I like that idea! I might steal it for my sims at some point, we'll see how far I get with my alien population. I'm still not entirely sure how to explain why the aliens only impregnate males, though... Maybe they think it's only fair? Hee. (I could work with that, easier to find available male "hosts" since there's no way they'll be already pregnant...)

My sims breed like bunnies, especially with ACR in. Sometimes it takes many tries, but most of the time it's instant success.

My theory was that they target those sims that weren't likely to reproduce on their own (aka single male nerds, errr, knowledge sims), in an effort to step on less toes.

Ah, yes, that's right. Hee, thinking of any knowledge sims in particular? ;) That does make sense, but it would include lesbians too (I don't have the alien-pregnancy-for-females-hack)... well, they could always get a sperm donor, I guess!

I love that icon, by the way. I'll have to go back and read the Stella/Ripp stuff, it was pretty awesome.

Your aliens do research their spawn recipients before pollination, yes?

If not, they're kind of undermining their ultimate project (preserving their species) if they give spawn to sim folk who don't really want them (and would not properly care for them).

(my aliens don't worry too much about the spawn being in "good homes" they just want the best genetic combos in the end, so casting the net wide is the best bet)

Your rule about alien descent is the opposite of mine. Hybrid aliens can impregnate anyone, but the males do not get pregnant themselves (unless it's by another hybrid sim). It's the "pollen" that has the ability to develop in any environment (as in the "probing" of your average male sim, who do not have wombs).

Probably doesn't hold up to close examination, but it works for me.

Your aliens are more plants, so it works as far as I can tell. With mine (and I'm assuming M_U's, since Percy was abducted as a teen and later got pregnant the old fashioned way) while the species mix well, sim males need "accessories" to be able to carry a child to term.

The pollen bit makes sense- especially since sperm and eggs are more similar than dis- (I think?) and testicles and ovaries start out the same bit of smooshy flesh, but my thinking was that the male sims simply had no place to hold a fetus until they were abducted an supplied with one.

I have a similar rule. I have to be able to explain (within the confines I've already written) away a male pregnancy.

Though I don't care about preg4all. If I had it, I'd probably end up with a baby boom of epic proportions and I don't want that.

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