strangetomato: (francesbeau)
Strange Tomato ([personal profile] strangetomato) wrote2009-05-14 10:52 am
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A whole lot of isms, but mostly heterosexism.

Given that this Sunday, May 17, is the International Day Against Homophobia, it's interesting that I was recently called out for being heterosexist. To my face, by a lesbian. I was pretty embarrassed. (Not that it would be any better to have this pointed out in another way, but I felt pretty careless.)



I had designed a quick little poster for a community Seniors Appreciation Day event, and all of the clip art used on it (yeah, go ahead and laugh at the clip art, but my job isn't as a designer - there's no time or money to make it nicer) featured elderly male/female couples.

In my defense, I was lucky to find anything that showed seniors being happy and doing anything besides sitting on a couch at home (no joke - many of them actually featured graveyards). We wanted dancing and eating and having fun AND elderly people, and I barely found that. There's literally nothing that tackles ageism AND heterosexism. It seems like you can only tackle one of these issues at a time (though there was a little racial diversity in there, I'll give them that much).

It's amazing how easy it is to be heterosexist. Unlike homophobia, you do it by default, by doing nothing. I like to think I'm pretty good about this stuff, because I actually think about it most of the time and even point it out to other people when they say something that assumes the world to be straight (you get mixed results when you suggest that someone's baby might actually grow up to be gay, let me warn you, true though it may be). So if I can do it by accident, then you can too. If you're constantly vigilant about it, then I salute you, but it can be tough to get it right all the time.

To relate this back to sims, it's got me to thinking about portrayals of LGBT characters in sim stories, just like any other media. I've read some interesting articles and posts on this topic recently (relating to different fandoms, but same difference), and it really is worth considering. I try to write about characters first and foremost, and so they have flaws and make bad decisions and all that, but I do try to be conscious of the messages my stories are sending, whether intended or not.

As for homophobia, I did make a very conscious decision to include that in my sim world, as much as I love the idea of a world without it. My sim world simulates the world I live in, and that includes most of its problems too. Also, there's no way to examine something if you ignore its existence, and I'm very interested in exploring gender/sexuality in my characters. It's something of a theme in my story, I suppose, if you want to put that much weight on it (which is probably a bit of a stretch).

So how do you feel about this as a creator or reader of sim stories? Feel free to discuss it in the comments, if you like.

Also, go ahead and critique the way I do things in relation to this topic, if you want to, so I can further consider and examine them. I know I could always fall back on "it's just a sim story," but I don't actually believe that excuses me in any way. I'm putting content out into the world, so I'm engaging in the way things are portrayed, even though it's a small and very specialized audience.



 

[identity profile] ikichi.livejournal.com 2009-05-15 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Yea, exactly. Though she later claims that just because she "doesn't want to get married doesn't mean [she] think[s] we shouldn't be allowed to". Too bad her actions (and words) never really back her up.

[identity profile] petalbrook.livejournal.com 2009-05-15 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
So many other people have already commented and mine may be extraneous, but I still want to have my say.

I live in a rather conservative state/community. I haven't seen any obviously same sex couples since I was attending college courses a few years ago. Being heterosexist comes very naturally. That said, I'm not homophobic. I don't care about other people's sex lives. People are what they are. It doesn't make them any less of a person. I don't like sterotypes & name calling. I don't even call hetero people "straight" anymore because it implies that being homo/bisexual is less than normal.

In Petalbrook Heights (my sims community), there are two male/male marriages. All of the couples in Petalbrook were matched randomly. Oddly enough, none have shown themselves to be lesbians, but one of the teen girls is bi.

Only the first gen. sims have had their partners chosen for them. The rest are left up to fate & ACR. Even the townies are hetero/homo/bisexual by ACR's whim.

The only mpregs are by alien abduction. Homosexual couples will have children by opposite gender sims, through abduction, or through adoption.

[identity profile] peasant007.livejournal.com 2009-05-15 08:06 pm (UTC)(link)
My sims are heterosexual because I'm heterosexual (which is apparently becoming a rather unpopular choice if you believe everything the media tells you). We have a tendency to emulate the influences of real life when writing fiction. You know what? I'm okay with that.

Because here's the weird thing: I don't like watching my hetero sims kiss and make out all that much. Same goes for any homosexual sims that I have (for the record, I have Frances and Malcom as a couple in my main 'hood). Honestly, it has nothing to do with homophobia, and EVERYTHING to do with with not liking PDA; be it in real life or in simulated life.

I'm all for people choosing what gender they want to be with. It's their personal decision. And that is my point: it's their PERSONAL decision. Why should it be mine? Why on earth should I care what goes on behind closed doors? I had a gay friend back in the day and we had a deal: I don't give him details, and he doesn't give me details. Because it's PERSONAL!

Equal rights? Fine, more power to them. Awareness and sensitivity so there is less homophobic hate crimes? Awesome, the world has enough crime as it is. Announcing on the street corner who they are sleeping with and what they are doing behind closed doors? Too far, don't care, please stop telling me.

People should focus more on defining themselves by their merits and personality, not by their sexuality. Because quite frankly, nobody should CARE what so-and-so's sexuality is.

I think you, strange_tomato, have done an excellent job in portraying the 'realness' of everyday sexuality in S,HWC. F&B being gay is just a side bar, you focus more on their personalities and their relationship. They are 'people' (in quotes because they are really pixels) in your game. They are not defined by their sexuality.

I realize that this might be unpopular, but it really grinds my gears when accusations get thrown out because people, no matter how vigilant and sensitive they might be, get crucified for defaulting back to their own norms; even if it is only briefly.
ext_96365: (me!)

[identity profile] edge-ofthe-sea.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:15 am (UTC)(link)
This. I think there's some times a fine line between heterosexism and being heterocentric, but what you described falls under being heterocentric for me.

It's amazing how easy it is to be heterosexist. Or heterocentric. Even if you're a pansexual female in a relationship with a lesbian. Heck, I spent a whole 20-some years not even knowing that those terms existed and at least one or two of those I was actually "out" to myself. Of course, those things still bothered me...I just didn't have words to articulate it.

I dunno. I just get happy that people actually know the words and actually care about not making others feel excluded/The Other/etc.

[identity profile] silentsteel.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
I definitely favor telephone devices for the deaf - or using modern cell phones like you are. My hubby and I rarely ever use the few minutes we have for our cell phones (We went for one of the deaf-specific plans that are available with TMobile, and get a small minimum of minutes with our unlimited data), and instead either txt or chat on AIM. It's less intrusive in general.

I definitely understand about the interrupting conversations to txt or check the phone though. I have a hard enough time hearing what someone's saying without them turning away. Bleah.

[identity profile] birdtooth.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 06:45 am (UTC)(link)
oh, jesus.

who is "announcing on the street corner who they are sleeping with and what they are doing behind closed doors"? oh, that's right. no one.

[identity profile] muslemura.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 06:52 am (UTC)(link)
54 %?? Wow, I didn't know that! Although maybe I should, counting our friends three of the couples with children are married, and one of them had two children before they tied the knot :P The rest of them just live together.

Heathen godless state - heehee!

[identity profile] meetme2theriver.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 07:50 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, it surprised me a bit too, but considering that so many coinhabit these days it makes sense. If I didn't have to marry my husband to get him to Norway (he's Australian) I'm not sure I would've gotten married either.

It's ironic, isn't it, considering we have a state church and all?

[identity profile] peasant007.livejournal.com 2009-05-16 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Obviously I'm more talking about celebrities than anything else in that regard.

"Hi, I'm Rosie O'Donnell! I'm a lesbian! Here is my girlfriend!"

"Hi! I'm Ellen Degeneres! Here is my girlfriend!"

"Hi! I'm Angelina Jolie! Here is my current husband and our newest adopted foreign kid!"

"Hi! I'm Paris Hilton! I'm fucking Hollywood!"

"Hi peasant007 (insert my real name here)! I'm your LARPing friend that you've known for years! I'm gay AND a furry!"

"Hi! I'm peasant007 and I don't give a shit who you're sleeping with. Please stop telling me!"

[identity profile] catpaw87.livejournal.com 2009-05-18 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
I don't usually comment on sim journals (laziness partially, and because I don't make legacies or stories myself), but this whole argument is so interesting I feel I need to get in and add my two cents.

Most of what I think has already been expressed more eloquently than I could - by madame_ugly, simgaroop, and wtsims. Judging from everything you've written in your Strangetown, I wouldn't call you heterosexist at all - being straight does not mean you are inherently bigoted. I consider myself both a feminist and pro-gay, but it bothers me when people go too far - especially if people assume that because I'm a straight white female, I must be bigoted against gays. I don't think I am. Of course I don't know what it feels like to be gay or bi, but I believe that sexuality is pretty much innate - I don't think I could be attracted to women if I tried - and that gays should have the same rights that straights do. And yes, that includes marriage.

Speaking of perceptions of gay/bi people, I got seriously annoyed at a BBS discussion on the Sims' website talking about what people do with their gay/lesbian sims. A lot of the posters said they dressed them in "femme"/"butch" styles, or they were so disgusted by the idea of gay sims that they never acted on their sims' same-sex impulses. For me, I tend to have more straight sims than gay sims, but I still have gay/bi sims. Since most sims have no set gender preference, I usually pair my sims up with whoever is convenient, or I let ACR decide who is attracted to who. I've had queer sims - only two lesbian couples, but a lot of male couples, and a lot of bisexual romance sims - and I dress them and decorate their houses the same as for straight sims. I actually like that Maxis made sims bisexual so players can shape their sims' gender preferences how they want.

As for the warnings about homosexuality that a lot of simmers put at the beginning of their stories, I don't like them. First, I don't think warnings are necessary unless the story contains really offensive content (and a gay kiss doesn't constitute offensive content), and if you're young enough that you're scarred by a kissing scene or a swear word, you shouldn't be online without parental supervision. I don't see how a straight kiss can be G-rated, but a gay kiss automatically is adult territory. It's bullshit. Second, this might make me sound unsympathetic, but I frankly don't care if someone is offended by a depiction of a gay couple. Maybe people want to avoid conflict, but I wouldn't want to pander to bigots online. If someone was offended by a story showing a black-white couple, should the story writer have to apologize and say, "I'm sorry if this offends anyone?" I don't think so, and I don't think anyone should have to apologize for depicting a gay or bi character. They can choose not to read the story if it offends them. Personally, I find M-Preg stories creepy and disturbing. I'm not bothered by alien pregnancies in Sims, but the way some female writers fetishize male pregnancy creeps me out, so I don't read those stories. So, I don't think stories with gay characters need special warnings anymore than stories with straight characters. If it offends somebody, they can always do the sensible thing and click on the "X" in the top right corner of their screen. It's an easy solution, but some people just don't get it.

[identity profile] cameoflage.livejournal.com 2009-05-27 12:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't actually post fic or sim stories or what have you, so it doesn't apply to me personally, but here's what I think warnings are for: Letting potential readers know ahead of time if there's something - anything - in it that might offend/squick/trigger them. Having to list every goddamn thing you can think of is an annoying but minor side effect. (So, yeah, I'd be warning for straight sims too.)

I mean, I would roll my eyes at somebody who does get offended or grossed out by gay sims, but they still deserve the opportunity to bail beforehand rather than being unpleasantly surprised mid-story.

[identity profile] cameoflage.livejournal.com 2009-05-27 01:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Mm. I do agree that having unisex civil unions with the legal rights of marriage and then giving the term 'marriage' over to churches would solve the problem... but the issue with that is that people would still say 'marriage' most of the time in casual discourse (since already-ingrained culture is damn near impossible to force changes upon), which would probably undermine that attempt at separation.

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